Teacher: Any questions class?
Maryanne: I got a question. How did you find the derivative of pi over two?
Teacher: What!? Are you serious? God you're an idiot. Didn't I teach that lesson the other day? Stand up Maryanne I want everyone to see how much a crockpot you are.
Maryanne: I thought you were a teacher you're supposed to help me!
Teacher: Didn't you read rate my professor dot com? I'm not very nice. Last semester a student of mine came up to me in the cafeteria to thank me and I beat him up and stole his lunch money.
Mario: (quietly) Man I bet she boils up kids in her oven.
Teacher: What was that? Did you say something? You're the ugliest kid in this class you shouldn't be talking at all. You should be ... back to chapter 5. I'm originally French and English is my second language. I feel more comfortable speaking French so I'm just going to teach the remainder of this class in French. If you feel that isn't fair they offer French classes at this school so I recommend you jump on it.
Teacher: Brian, if you leave I am going to mark you absent.
Brian: This is stupid I don't speak that language I have no reason to be here.
Teacher: Class participation takes up 30% of your grade, Brian, and with how you did on the last test I suggest you stay. In fact I'll lock the door.
[Sarah runs for the window.]
Teacher: Sarah, I wouldn't do that if I were you. We are the fifth floor up.
Sarah: I don't care.
[Sarah jumps and screams.]
Mark: You know my psychiatrist convinced me not to do this, but you've pushed me over the edge. I got a gun in my backpack and I ain't afraid to use it.
[Teacher pulls out a 22 gauge shotgun.]
Teacher: (laughs condescendingly) Please Mark. Sit down and shut up.
Susie: I don't even really mind this. I speak three languages and have over a 4.0 because of honors classes. Challenges are fun!
Teacher: Quiet Susie no one likes a kiss ass. Besides none of the boys in class even talk to you. Lose some weight Jesus Christ.