As Dirk bought more boos for Charlene he noticed she became more attracted to him. He figured that getting chicks drunk and then having sex with them was better than what he usually does, sneak into the morgue and screw the dead corpses.
As the night progressed Charlene became inebriated and Dirk figured it was time to bring her home. Dirk undressed while Charlene stripped on a metal pole. They ended up on the bed where Dirk leaned over her about to initiate.
Depraved of sex for so long, he had become accustomed to his calloused hand. "What the hell. Three holes?" Dirk was baffled. "Which one do I put it in?"
Charlene overheard him. "I tell you what you idiot, you pick the wrong hole and you can get the heck out!"
Now Dirk was worried. If he didn't get lucky this time, he would disappoint his penis so much that it would shrivel up and die. "Okay Dirk, calm down and think," he whispered to himself. He remembered a childhood song that may help him out.
"One quarter lemonade, around the corner fudge is made."
This didn't help much, unless he wanted some fudge of course. Dirk analyzed the situation. There was a yellow hole that made lemonade. The next hole was red, possibly from rubbing the clitoris and labia too much. She must have mistaken this red hole with a magic lamp, otherwise why would she rub it so much? Finally, he saw the last hole. This hole was brown around the rims and apparently where fudge is made.
Dirk began to sweat. He knew the consequences if he failed. Not only his life, but others as well. It wasn't a vagina, it was a bomb with three wires - yellow, red, and brown. He tried to remember how it was done in the movies. "Which wire did they cut again?" He thought to himself.
Dirk took a chance, he choose none of the wires and tried to put it in her ear.
"You idiot, that's my ear!" Charlene screamed, but she was so plastered she didn't even know where he was and yelled at the lamp.
Dirk thought, there were no more holes to put it in besides her mouth and he was afraid she may think it was food and bite it off. But wasn't it food? A bottle that you suck on to get milk.
Dirk hesitated about the next idea, but he had always thought it would be the next fad. Take out her eye and do her in the eye socket. She didn't need the eye, I mean she was too drunk to see anyway, right? And she wouldn't look too bad as a pirate. He reconsidered, he didn't think she would like that much.
"Do 'er in the butt laddy." Dirk quickly turned around to see he was face-to-face with a three-foot leprechaun. "You want my gold, right? Well I hid it in her butt. Do her there to get it out."
"That seems pretty gay and besides it's locked up" Dirk pointed to a padlock on her butt and the text that read "DO NOT ENTER!" with an arrow pointing down. Dirk stepped on the leprechaun in protest to his idea.
"It was the red wire!" he exclaimed in excitement. Yes, of course it was always the red wire that saved bombs from exploding.
He was so happy, the last time he failed sexually he masturbated to those Africans in National Geographic and his parents walked in on him, then joined him. In the end he did Charlene in the vagina, the right place, he could tell because Charlene was smiling. Although it was hard to tell because her expression changed each time Dirk banged her into the headboard.
Dirk jizzed a "D" on her chest. "Zorro's nothing dear, I'm Dirk!" Charlene's nostrils flared and she bit off his head then laid eggs in his body. Tired, she went back to the stripper pole to prepare for her next victim. She remembered her last, he ordered her to suck his penis and she instead sucked his blood.
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