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Homeo and Juliet

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Setting. (Homeo Approaches Juliets House balcony and gazes into the sky upward as if looking into the sky when he is really looking for Juliet to come out of his balcony).

Homeo: Hey What is with all the light breaking through that window? Hasn't this dude heard of blinds? (Juliet comes out on balcony). Man take a look at that physique. I also love a dude that shaves his legs. I want to be near that body and those legs.
Juliet: What's Up Homeo?
Homeo: Long time no see, but soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the son.
Juliet: What do you mean now? Why are you standing all over my lawn. Now it looks like shit. I have to fix it.
Homeo: I came here to see you. You are definitely one of the hottest dudes I have seen in Flagellam's Pysch class or whatever the hell we are learning in there. I am Homeo.
Juliet: Homeo. Homeo. What kind of a dumb name is Homeo. You have to seriously change your name to something a little less awkward like Martin or Rob or Paul. I know a couple of Rob's and some Paul's.
Homeo: (Homeo talking to himself on the side). What's up with this guy. I came here to see him and he acts this way.
Juliet: What is in that name anyway and where did it come from. Hey have you heard of Cosmic Jarvis' latest album called Gay Pirates and their single of the same name? I like to call it Tootie Fruity Salad because it has a lot of variety of different songs on there that are cool to listen to.
Homeo: I don't know why the hell you would call his new album Tootie Fruity Salad. I just dont understand why you would call it that. Please tell me more.
Juliet: That is not the point I am trying to make. Paul.
Homeo: My name is not Paul. It is Homeo.
Juliet: Alright I am sorry. I just thought you would like to be called Paul because I would to call you that instead of Homeo. I like that name better.
Homeo: Hey guess what? I think I am going to go watch some the Football highlights on ESPN of those hot football players and their tight abs.
Juliet: Hey wait. How do I know you? I am trying to recollect now.
Homeo: We played Flip the Joint last week at this techno party at the Frat House. I had facebooked you after that and that is how we know each other and met.
Juliet: Listen I want you to come up but if Campus Security sees us we're screwed. I don't think they would like us and what we are up to. You know what I mean.
Homeo: Alas. There lies ten times more peril in their tasers than in thine eye of all the swords they possess.
Juliet: They have swords and tasers. We need to make peace with them if they see us.
Homeo: I wonder why there is so much bigotry in society today against gay guys like us.
Juliet: Ya. I agree. I think people think that us being lovers is worse than people hurting animals or blaming gay people for the all society ills like thunder storm and hurricanes destroying things and stuff.
Homeo: Ya. I agree. It a shame that people are that way, but I guess if we are to be lovers we are going to have to deal with that shit aren't we? People are who they are. We need to all try and get along and be more peaceful as a society.

[In walks Montague]

Montague: What are you two fairies up to? Did ye not know that a man loving another man is an abomination? It only follows logically that if two men are allowed to love each other next people will begin to have romantic relationships with animals and plants.
Homeo: Father, what's in a gender? That which we call a rose, would pollinate a male rose just as sweetly.
Montague: No more of this nonsense. There was a hurricane in Portugal not too long ago and it is because of our sins. God is punishing us for your wickedness.
Homeo: Do hurricanes not occur exclusively in warm water currents?
Montage: They occur excusidly in Sodom and Gomorrah!!

[Montague exits]

Juliet: Hey I want to ask you something that you haven't still haven't answered. How do I know that you really love me?
Homeo: (singing). I swear by the moons, stars, and planets in the night sky.
Homeo and Juliet (singing together): I love you and we will be together forever with every bit my soul.
Juliet: Now. I am thinking about our relationship. Do you think it will turn out right or will there be any problems I can't forsee right now?
Homeo: But we can work all that out later. We love each other.
Juliet: Remember the lyrics to that song I told you about. It goes something like. Your hands are as tight as mine but I will see you in bed. Of the blue ocean I will love you still as far as the oceans go after I done singing because I will never say no.
Homeo: Hey lets talk psychedelic colored balls.
Juliet: Excuse Me?
Homeo: I said lets have a frank and honest conversation about the red white and blue balls you are about to show me.
Juliet: You mean my own balls.
Homeo: Ya. Those ones.

(Juliet's cell phone rings and rings until he finally answers)

Juliet: Its my mentally impaired cousin Becky. I really have to go now Homeo. I will have to get back to you later. Sometimes she eats ant traps and fly paper.
Homeo: Was everything that just happened my own imagination playing games? We did really just talk for a while didn't we? Please tell me it was real.
Juliet: Seriously. Text me next week okay. I want to see you again.
Homeo: Hey wait. I forgot your number. (Juliet texts Homeo his number).
Juliet: I got to run. It's my cousin Becky again. Sometimes she also plays in cat litter.
Homeo: Okay. We can see each other next week.
Juliet: Okay. Lets hang out tomorrow Homeo. Hey do you like Racquetball?
Homeo: Ya. Sounds Cool.
Juliet. Let's play tomorrow.
Homeo: Let's play at 12:00 noon.
Juliet: Sounds good.
Homeo: Later Dude.

by R.W.B.

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