I stepped into the employer's office and he politely asked me to sit down. His chair was high backed and upholstered with leather. A portrait of his father, who started the corporation, hung on the wall above him. The painting's fierce eyes intimidated me.
"Okay, let's get started. I've reviewed your resume and considering your employment. Are there anymore office skills you would like to add?"
I told him the last skill that enabled me to survive my last dead-end job. "I'm a masochist."
He acknowledged my skill by nodding his head in contemplation. "Excellent, I'm a sadist." He paused looking over a sheet of questions. "All of the following questions are generally asked to confirm that."
"Makes sense," I said. "Who could put up with all that bullshit bosses give them without being a masochist?"
He flipped through some more pages. "Ignorance I suppose." Finally, he stopped on a certain page.
"We also value loyalty here." He pushed a button on his speaker phone. "Debra, please send in Mr. Johnson."
"Yes, sir." She responded.
A slim, well-dressed man walked into the room. His eyes were tired, the lids were only half-way open. Dark circles circumvented them, displaying lack of sleep. His teeth were yellow, probably stained from coffee; a brown splotch near the bottom of his shirt confirmed this. His hands were trembling even though he tried to hide it in a firm stance.
"You needed me, sir?"
"How high, sir?"
The employer smiled. "Thank you, that will be all."
"Oh, and Johnson."
"Get a new shirt, you look like a bum."
"Yes, sir." And he left.
The employer looked at me. "I hope you understand."
I nodded and he brought out a contract in front of me. "Just sign this and you can start immediately."
Okay, great." I said. "Do you have a pen?"
I watched him open a drawer and grab a knife. "Oh," he said. "I'm sorry I didn't mention this earlier, but you need to sign this in blood."
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