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Learning English with Don Juan [*] [IMG]

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     "Hi class. You're substitute teacher is Don Juan. I apologize in advance, but the state has been doing massive budget cuts."
     Don Juan walked in the classroom. He slowly walked in with his shirt unbuttoned at the top so his chest hairs were visible. He wore penny loafers, white pants, and a Hawaiian collared shirt.
     "Don't worry honey. I'm not a substitute virgin. Your class is in fine hands." The teacher's aid left and he walked to the whiteboard and wrote his name.
     "My name is Don Juan. Today I'm going to be teaching you all English. I'm not going to use those fucking textbooks because nobody talks like that shit. If you have any questions raise your dick," the class burst out laughing while he thought. "What the fuck do you call that shit? Oh yeah raise your hand."
     He walked to the center of the room. "When I was your age I really didn't care about school - you can't relate to it. All I thought about was pussy. I used to stare at the girls' thongs in front of me. I mean they teach you a bunch of bullshit. Don't drink? Like what I can't have fun or what? And what's this drugs crap. Did you guys know that most great masterpieces were influenced by drugs? The Wall by Pink Floyd. Ozzy Osbourne was huge into coke and look at him now! The guy is rich as fuck. And Ray Charles liked heroin. So are we supposed to stop everything just to do good in school? Do what you want kids - it's your life."
     One of the girls raised her hand. "They are teaching us in sex ed to be abstinate or use protection."
     "See now that's stupid," he replied. "It feels better without a condom anyways. My advice to all the boys is just fuck hookers. I used to have sex with chicks, but they want you to buy them drinks and listen to them. Fuck that! I fucked four hookers in one day. Even your average bar slut is usually too drunk to screw more than twice in a night. It's more better. And when you're tired of women a good piece of ass from a guy is good alternate. Boys come to me after class and I'll teach you how to hit on guys. Next question..."

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