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The First Dragon

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Everything that is dreamed of in Heaven is here on Earth.

     Tiffany bit her lower lip as she began going in and out of contractions. The white support table was soft, but the room was cold and the entire floor smelt like urine. Her doctor approached her, he was a man in his thirties, but looked much younger. Even though female cervixes were designed to be stretched many times their original size she knew it would do so with enormous pain.
     "Ma'am there is a drug you can receive that will elimate the pain during birth. The procedure is called an epidural. With your permission I can perform one."
     "Yes, anything to stop the pain!" she screamed. She rolled over to her side and the doctor put a large needle in her spine. Immediately, she went numb from the waist down.
     "Omigod. I can't feel my waist. My baby? What about my baby!"
     "This procedure does not affect your child ma'am. Your neurons have simply been affected. No harm will be done to your baby."
     Tiffany could not feel anything, but she was extremely worried about her child. In an hour the baby's head began to show through her vagina. The baby's head was covered in slime and invisible. The doctor put his hands close to her vagina, ready to catch the baby and cut the umbilical cord. The doctor raised his eyebrow, perplexed. He noticed a green color to the baby's skin, unusual from the normal hue of blue. He took a step back and the baby emerged on its own, tearing the vagina. There was blood everywhere.
     "Doctor, what is going on?" Tiffany asked. The doctor didn't answer and fled from the room in fear. The baby landed on its feet and its claw to cut the umbilical cord. Tiffany raised herself up on her arms to see what is going on. She was scared from the sight of her own blood. "Why?" she cried. "I was married before I lost my virginity." Then puzzled, she whispered, "aren't reptiles supposed to be hatched from eggs? I'm human."
     The green skinned dragon spoke. "I have evolved."
     "Bullshit," replied Tiffany. "Evolution is only a theory, like gravity and neither are valid, hence this is a dream."
     A heavily armored knight walked in. "That is a logical fallacy. Theories are the best methods we have to understand the universe. If gravity is false then Galileo would have been wrong and a feather and stone, of different weights, would not have fallen at the same rate on the moon, which they did. Your argument was a logical fallacy because you assume that because this reptile has evolved you are dreaming. A and B therefore C is an invalid proof, even this dragon with his underdeveloped limbic system should be able to appreciate that."
     The dragon vomitted a flame towards the knight and the knight, aware and on guard, defended with his cross-symboled metal shield. The dragon recovering from his attack stood stationary. The knight withdrew his sword and raised it above his head. "For my king!" He then chopped off the head at the dragon's neck. Three more heads burst forth. All three heads focused on the knight and spit a flame. He defended himself and prepared for his next attack.
     "Attack," Tiffany burst out after the flames stopped. In one long stroke he severed all three heads. Nine heads burst forth. "Its heads grew exponentially of 3," she said proud of herself for noticing the pattern.
     "Yes, quite obviously, my lady. However, how do I defeat it?"
     "Attack the heart. After the heart has been destroyed it won't have enough blood to produce new heads. Then, kill the heads." Tiffany replied.
     The knight put up his shield to guard the flames and after they stopped he arose. All of the heads did not shoot a flame at him though and while vulnerable shot one at him, reaching his flesh through the eye slits and mouth holes of his helmet, killing him. The dragon did a victory dance and after finishing another knight appeared.
     "Who are you?" Tiffany asked.
     "Don't worry my lady. There are two knights in this game. We haven't lost yet."
     Tiffany was dumbfounded and while the dragon's first head shot a flame she regained her composure. "Stay guarded. Not all of the dragon's heads shoot at once. You must attack the dragon's heart when I tell you."
     "Yes, my lady." He responded.
     It took five minutes for the dragons' heads to complete the cycle. "Attack now!" She screamed.
     The knight lowered his shield, withdrew his sword, and with all his might drove the sword into the dragon's heart. A great pain stung in his shoulder when the edge clanged against the dragon's armor. His sword did not pierce the dragon's hard scales and during this perplexing period was killed in the same fashion as the first knight. The dragon performed another victory dance. A new woman approached, dressed in expensive clothes and wearing a jeweled crown. Tiffany guessed in this strange game she must be the queen.
     "This dragon has killed two of my best men," the queen spit. "It will pay for its insolence!"
     Tiffany was intimidated. How is a queen supposed to be addressed?
     "Your highness! Defend yourself with a shield upon its flames. After the ninth torch I will tell you to attack its heart. However, any weapon crafted from iron ore is too weak to pierces this dragon's skin. Do you have any material that is stronger?"
     "I have rubies in my crown and a diamond crucifix as a necklace that was given to me as a gift from a Welsh prince."
     "Use the crucifix to pierce the dragon's heart," Tiffany ejaculated. "Diamond is the strongest material on this planet."
     Three minutes passed. "Attack now!"
     With all the queen's might she lunged forward and drove the diamond crucifix into the dragon's heart. Blood oozed through the thick skin with speed and power. The dragon fell down and its heart pumped blood showering the ceiling.
     The queen wiped the blood from her face and looked at the dead dragon and then the girl. "I'm not going to tell the king about this. Please have a janitor come clean up this mess."










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